Bloody Doc again

Well it seems my Doc is bloody useless as still has not sent off my blue badge forms. Its only been 6 weeks!!! GRRRR

I have had the choose and book letter from the NHS to see the Endocrinologist but it seems the appointment is for a phone consultation.  FFS.  How am I supposed to remember everything to squeeze into a 15 minute phone call.  No way that is going to happen.  I cant understand why they need to talk on the hone when the Doc has sent them a full list of my symptoms?  I am just hoping they don't decide to take me in for the tests I am supposed to have as I cant afford to go into hospital before Christmas.  I also know I do not need these tests as I know what is wrong with me but try telling that to the doctor.  She wont have it. 

I also need to go back on Morphine as the tablets have stopped working and I really cannot take anymore. Again I have to wait two weeks to see a Doctor.  I am so annoyed and angry as the Doc knows when I need to see her I need to do so quickly but the receptionist is a total bitch.  All she says is well try ringing on the day for a same day booking but she will not understand I cant do that as I cannot possibly be there ten minutes after a call. My body does not work that way.  It takes me an hour after getting up to get dressed without trying to get round there as well.  As usual the receptionist says "Its not my fault you cant do it, is it?"  Next time I am there I may well just tell her exactly what I think as I am sick of her stuck up attitude. 

I have a terrible chest infection too at the moment and cannot get enough oxygen. Still cant get into see Doc though.  I may well just wait till Monday and insist on a home visit.  That will really piss Miss snotty knickers off. 

I could understand if it was her surgery or if it was her seeing sick patients but it isn't.  It is strange though that she can always find me an appointment for the same day when the Doc tells her to.  I have also noticed she can always find them for her friends too.  I guess that is one of the problems of living in a village where I don't know many people.  I am an outsider and as such I get treated as one.

Going to have a long chat with the Doctor and get her to put on the PC screen that I am to have appointments when needed.  It was on there before but somehow the receptionist wiped it off by accident and it can only be put back on by Doc.  How bloody convenient.

Sorry bit of a moany blog again but lately nothing seems fun or happy.  This cold and chest infection has run me right down and I cant sleep again, the pain pills just stopped working and I just feel like crying.

Now that would be a sight wouldn't it.  Me sat crying, in a puddle of sweat with snot streaming down my face.  Who said I couldn't be sexy LOL!!!

My daughter is here for a few months now. She said she was coming up to help me out.  What she really meant was coming up to slob out on the sofa for a few months.  Although she does help if I moan a bit at her.

We are off to Donnington market tomorrow and I will be in my electric chair.  God help anyone who thinks they can just stop in front of me then give me dirty looks.  I am just up for them ATM.  There will be a lot of bruised and busted up ankles tomorrow.  I love Donny though as there are so many nice things there.  I adore the farm stalls with all the fresh baking and the perfume and make up stalls as they are so cheap.  Gem wants to look at plush cushions for her bedroom and I am sure we will spend a fortune tomorrow getting some Xmas bits.

Right I had better go as I am starting to get a little light headed from lack of oxygen and my lips are a sort of blue colour.  YAY I am turning into one of the Avatar creatures. Woo I will be famous yet!

Seriously though, I am going to put in for DLA soon. I know I keep saying it but it is so much effort.  I keep looking at it and then putting it away.

I keep wondering why this has happened to me. I often dream that it has gone and I am ok again then I wake up and realise that it will never go.  I cant explain to those who don't suffer from this how awful that feeling is.  I am trying to live my life along side this condition but it is so hard.  The amount f changes I have had to make.  I still try and do thing I know I cant do just cos I feel useless if I don't.

I am sick of feeling useless.  I am only 42 and feel like I am 95.  Hubby cant understand how bad I feel and I guess that is partly my fault as I cant show him but partly his as he just does not think I could possibly be that bad.


Its like the sweating, people don't realise that we are not JUST sweating, we are over heating which causes a myriad of other symptoms.  Headache, sickness, dizziness and dehydration being just a few.
If it was just sweat I would not care.  Its not though.  I tend to get the sweating when the pain gets really bad which lately is more and more often as the pills are helping less and less. 

I would not wish this on anyone BUT I do wish my Hubby would have it for ONE week.  That would be long enough for him to feel as if he was dying and he would then understand.  Some days I do wonder if this is it.  Will I die today as the pain and other symptoms get that bad. My head knows this illness doesn't kill you but my body doesn't.  I get so overheated at times I feel as if I am being boiled. 

Its worse now as everyone wants the heating and fire on but this makes me feel even more ill.  My body temp is so high all the time that the fire going on makes me dizzy and then I vomit.  The lowest my temp has been the past few months is 102 and is normally 103 or 104.  My daughter is loving it as she cuddles up to me (ouch) and says I am like an electric blanket.

I am still in bloody t shirts and everyone stares as I am still sweating.  I am sure people think I am either drunk or on drugs.  I am wobbly, fall over even with crutches, keep getting dizzy so I guess I cant blame them as if I saw someone like me I would have thought the same before.

I now know not to judge people by appearances.  I dont drink alcohol and the only drugs I take are prescription. Ok most people would be out of it if they took what I take but they have no effect on me at all anymore.  I guess my body has got used to them as when I first started taking them I was in cloud happy land.  Now they do nothing.

I have stopped hydro for now as it hurt far too much and left me unable to move for days, so it did not work for me at all.  I know it does for some people as I met a few there who were doing really well but then they were the luckier of us and were not that badly affected by it.  I was jealous I have to admit. When I saw them walking in quite normally and I struggled with my crutches. 

Anyway I had better go as I forgot what I actually came here to say and it was quite important too. ARGH.  Yes I have waffled on all this time and not put what I came here to say.  Typical fog day