SPARE SPOONS ANYONE???

Has anyone got any spare spoons, I have run out and have even borrowed from next weeks. I am exhausted beyond belief and the pain is not being touched by the pills and as usual hubby does not get it.
I was awake and out of bed at 8am at Donnington market by 9.30 and even though I was in my chair it wore me out. Hubby also would not let me take my electric chair saying it takes up too much room. It takes the same room as the one he has to push apart from the batteries but gives me some independence. I did not really get to look at anything I wanted as he kept not hearing me and making me feel really small so I just sat quietly in the end as it was less embarrassing.
I need that little bit of independence the electric chair gives me but I think he likes the power he has over me when we have the one he has to push as he is in control.

We then went shopping at Asda (yeah I know far too much in one day) and got the weeks shopping. When we got back he decided to lay in the garden so it was left to me to clean the whole kitchen.

The pain I am in at the moment is unbearable. I literally hurt from my head right down to my ankles and although I am eating painkillers like sweets they are having no effect at all.
Crying does not help at all and neither does trying to explain to hubby how bad I am as it always turns into how bad his back/neck/arm is. I would gladly swap bodies with him as he would soon want his back after spending a few minutes in mine.

I dont even know how the hell I am going to manage to go to work tomorrow but as I am self employed I have to as we need the money I earn as his wont cover us. It is awful. I would quit in an instance if I could as the pain when I am working is unreal and totally undescribable.

I just thankgod for this blog as I can be honest here and not feel that I have to hide how I feel to keep the peace.  I do sometimes wonder if I would be better off single as I cant spend my life like this.
Hubby's idea of cleaning the house is washing the dishes and doing his own washing. He doesnt realise claning the kitchen is a much bigger job than just the dishes and other things need to go in the washer not just his stuff but he does not seem to take any notice at all. When I go to do it all he says is leave it I will do it later. Later never comes so I end up doing it anyway.

Infact he is practically no help at ll at home and it would be easier without him as I would not have his mess to deal with.  Sorry this is a rant as I am fed up. He damn well knows the smell of alcohol is one of my triggers plus it makes me violently sick so sleeping with someone who has been drinking is a no no as not only do I end up in worse pain I spend the whole night throwing up. So what does he do? he lies and says I am imagining the smell and he has not been drinking just so he can go to bed. This leaves me in pain and puking all night just cos he is too selfish to admit it and sleep on the sofa.

AAAAAARRRRRRGGGGGGHHHHHHHH!!!!!

If only I could scream like that for real I am sure I would feel alot better than I do right now. Anyway I had better sign off before I really start ranting and make my hands feel worse than they do now