Another day/week in the fibro world

OOPS! Guess who forgot she had a blog.  How did you manage to guess right lol.

Anyway a bit of a catch up.  I finaly got to see a decent doctor with the list of symptoms I have had since long before Fibro.  Doc looked at how long I have been trying to get this massive list sorted and it is 4years and one month.  She could not believe it.  My symptoms were put down to (wait for this list lol)
1. Depression
2. Panic attacks
3. Hormones
4. Suspected Diabetes
5. Hypochondria
6. A Glandular problem
7. No Idea

I had the tests and they were all wrong. Doc knows I am not a hypochondriac as I put up with a lot more pain than most people plus even as she checked me over some of the symptoms were apparent.  High temp, low blood pressure, difficulty breathing, Phlegmy chest etc.
She has promised me I will have an answer or be on the way to an answer by Monday so fingers crossed.

I have had a hell of a time recently. I am getting depressed a bit as I dont go anywhere. A weekly trip to Asda is all my life consists of.  That leaves me in unbearable pain for the next 3 days.
My chest is so bad atm, my fever wont break at all and am constantly sat in puddles of sweat.  The pain wont let up at all, even with all the pills I am taking, so looks like I will end up on morphine in the near future.  Not the best drug to take as you have to inject (oramorph makes me throw up and the patches wont stay on when sweating this much). 

My mental state needs a pick me up. Just to be taken out for an hour or two, for lunch or to the market in my electric chair would be wonderful.  I have so much to buy for xmas pressies and never get out to get them so am worrying about that too.

I guess life just sucks at the moment.  All I seem to do is moan.  I joke about it alot too, to anyone within earshot.  I dont feel like being funny but it is easier than admitting how I really feel.  Who wants to hear that even with all these pills, I feel as if parts of my body are being torn through my skin, or that I feel so exhausted I would sooner pee myself than try to get upstairs?  Not what anyone wants to hear is it. 
I wake up everyday and hope today will be better, then the pain kicks in and I realise I cant see and know this is yet another day the same as the last.  I know my vision will come back and go and come back so have got used to that a bit although it still frightens me now and again.  I cannot remember the last time I had a 'good day'.  It feels as if this flare up is just going to last forever as has been going on for over 6 months without let up. 

I had hydrotherapy this week which has just made things feel so much worse and left me in a right old mess.  I had it 2 days ago and still not recovered.

I would give anything to swap with my hubby for one whole day actually make that two.  That way he will get the night time pleasure as well.  He might not be quite so flippant about it if he felt how I do.
He cant see inside me so has no idea how bad this makes you feel.  If he did he might be a tad more sensitive.  Its easy to say you understand but no one can.  I thought I could until I got it and believe me I had no idea how it feels to be in pain 24/7 7 days a week, even when sleeping you toss and turn as it hurts so much. I never realised what exhausted meant either and I have worked festivals where I have not slept for 3 nights and worked day and night.  I had no idea what complete exhaustion was until now.  Even talking wears me out as my body cannot cope with it.
Hubby thinks I am just ignoring him, I am not, it just takes too much energy which I dont have spare.

I would not wish this illness on anyone not even my very worst enemy as it really is that awful.  I had 4 kids with natural childbirth with 3 of them and still had not felt pain this bad. 

I do however have some really good news.  A friend bought me some lovely new crutches in BRIGHT PINK.  They are the ones I wanted that can only be bought from South Africa.  They have cheered me up no end as are much lighter than the NHS ones so dont put so much pressure on me.  They are still the trough crutches as cant use normal ones as my shoulders are too bad. Now I just need my eleccy wheelchair sprayed pink and I will be happy.

Sod it, if I need to use these aids they might as well be funky and fun.  Did I also say my hubby bought me a kindle so I always have books with me. How wonderful is that.  It also means I can change the size of what I am reading to extra extra big when my eyes are playing up. WOO HOO  I LOVE MY KINDLE.

Anyway better go as I have actually forgot what I came here to write in the first place lol